I WEAR A SIZE FOUR (7/9/2013)
I walked into the store and a lady who wears about a size 16 or 18 looked at me up and down with the ugliest look and rolled her eyes. I couldn’t let it go; maybe I should have let it go. But I didn’t.
“Excuse me madam, but did I do something to offend you?” Not giving her a word to respond, I went into Chara mode (counseling style)… “I think you're beautiful, I noticed your style and skin complexion when I walked in and when you looked at me like that, it shocked me to see such ugliness. What’s up? Talk to me. Real talk, what did I do?”
She laughed then smiled. Her words… “I can’t lie! Girl, I would love to be your size so excuse me if I looked at you like that, but you're fine and I know you know you are. Don’t trip, don’t even act like you don’t know because if I had a body like yours... baby you couldn't tell me anything.” She continued… “I must say, TV has messed me up. (well she didn’t say messed, but I’m gonna give you the clean version...LOL). It really has messed my mind up. When I watch those reality shows on TV, I wanna look like them…perfect body, perfect skin, perfect hair… although I know it’s a weave. I wanna look like that. Heck… I wanna be beautiful!!"
Now, if you know me personally, you know those words really stirred me up. I had to say to myself.... calm down Chara, calm down, don’t scare her away by going straight into ministry mode just yet.
My reply to her… “It's funny how we have our own definitions of beauty because when I looked at you, the first thing I admired was your skin and you looked and admired my size. We all have struggles. Many think I am conceited or arrogant or stuck-up because I wear a size four. Humbled is my middle name. Forced to be was the name of my game."
We laughed.
I simply begin to share with her my story. I told her how I found my acceptance, my beauty and love for myself in everything that she named….perfect real hair, perfect body, and perfect skin. In one year, everything changed for me and I was forced to begin the journey of discovering what true beauty was (and is). She didn’t believe me so I showed her my before and after pics. She was shocked.
Her words… “I do apologize and I wouldn’t have known that you of all people struggled with insecurity. And I wouldn’t have known you looked at me and saw something beautiful.”
My words: "You're beautiful girlie and you gotta start embracing who you are, where you are."
When will we learn that TRUE BEAUTY IS NOT in the 5inch stilettos (even thou I was rocking mine on that day), it’s not in the 22-inch weaves (even though I rock 20inches), and it’s not a size 2 or 4? Do you really know what it is? Start by asking the creator of beauty, because she was right about one thing, if you believe in the world's definition of beauty, it will mess you up. I’m not against looking our best externally, if that was the case, I wouldn’t sell skin care products. But, if you find your acceptance in your outer beauty and your outer beauty begins to change for the worse, would you still know your worth, your value…would you still accept you? Or what if your outer beauty isn't what you desire for it to be now? That doesn't change who you are on the inside. True, authentic beauty has nothing to do with the external, but everything to do with the internal. If you have accepted the creator of the world into your heart, the one who created beauty, the one who is beautiful, then when I look at you, talk to you or walk with you….. that’s who I should see….true beauty.