I have received sooooo much positive feedback from the blogs and I’m truly appreciative. But of course, there was negative feedback as well. Some have asked, “Why are you telling your business?” Others have stated, “Don’t you know that people are talking about you now negatively?” Being the confident person that I am, I just ignored them. However, I do want to now express my inward response outwardly. This is why I shared my story…
On June 12, 2013, my grandmother went home to be with the Lord. It was bittersweet for me because although I would miss her dearly, she was no longer suffering. You see during her last days in the hospital, the doctors had to place a breathing tube through a small hole in her throat. The procedure was called a tracheostomy. It was very uncomfortable for her and worst of all she couldn’t talk. Because my grandmother would constantly pull the tube out of her throat, the nurses resorted to having her put in restraints. To see my grandma in restraints was devastating. But, my grandmommy being my grandmommy, she found a way out of those restraints and still managed to pull the tube out. The hospital nicknamed her Ms. Houdini because of her escape acts from the restraints…lol! (That’s my grandma!)
Well, one day I heard my mother explain to my grandmother that she has to stop pulling the tube out so that she could live. I was sure hoping that my grandmother would listen to my mom because it was my day to watch her. My grandma seemed to obey my mom when she was in the room. So when my mother left, all was well for a couple of hours. All of a sudden, I must have gotten up to do something and as I looked back, it was as if in slow motion, I saw my grandma lift her hand and pull the tube out of her throat. I screamed in great horror. The machines went off and I panicked. Before the nurses could even come in my mother walked through the door. I was ever so happy to see my mom. I wanted to just fall at her feet. She knew exactly what to do.
That night, I cried and cried and cried. I couldn’t sleep so I got up to talk with God.
I asked,
“God, why won’t my grandma listen? Why does she keep pulling the tube out? Although it’s uncomfortable, why can’t she just listen? I’m sure the pulling is very painful for her, so why?”
Interestingly, I heard the Lord ask me back, “Why do you want her to stop pulling the tube out.”
Shocked at the question, I wanted to respond like a frustrated little kid with an attitude and say “duh…you already know.” But instead, I said, “Because God, that tube is giving her life, it's helping her breathe again. It will help her progress forward.” I cried and cried after venting that out to God.
However, the response I heard next from God was one that changed me. The Lord said, “ Chara, every time I instruct you to do something, it is to give you life and it is to progress you forward to live in the abundant life that I have for you. When you don’t do what I have instructed, it’s as if you are pulling the tube out of your throat stopping the abundant life that I have given to you. Yes, it’s uncomfortable at times, but your obedience to me is a necessity to live.”
You must know around that time God had been instructing me to share my testimony of being freed from insecurities and low-self esteem and He had given me the idea to write the things I’ve learned down. I was ok with the writing part, but I wasn’t ok with sharing my testimony until he spoke those words to me. I cannot begin to describe nor tell you the doors that have opened for me since the first day I shared. I would never be on this road of happiness and complete fulfillment if I hadn’t obeyed.
I said all that to say, if God is telling you to do something, do it. It’s only to help you, not hurt you. It’s only to give you life, the life that you have been asking him for. Yes, it can be uncomfortable, but he’s trying to get some things to you to live. My grandma’s struggle was not in vain.
So to the people that said I’m telling my business, no…correction…I’m obeying God and telling my testimony. So grateful that the struggle is over and God is using it to get revenge on the enemy and to bless others. God is a healer. He is a real God, a real friend. True Beauty!
I can’t wait to share with you more about the upcoming projects. It’s like I’m overwhelmed with how things are going. Things have changed so much and doors have opened that the projects will be released in 2016.